PINK pink PINK

I need spring

because

I

need

PINK

Books

I just finished reading two really good books. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert and Crazy Aunt Purl's Drunk, Divorced and Covered in Cat Hair by Laurie Perry. (Check out Perry's blog here - it's hilarious and fun and she writes wonderfully about the craziness of Los Angeles too.) I never planned on reading these two "divorce" books at the same time, it just happened that way - go figure. I guess I'm just drawn to other people who have gone through the same things as I have. I think the common denominator is that divorce is crushing and you just don't think you'll recover or be whole again. I totally relate to that and reading about these women's journeys, their pain and what they did to get through is just some how comforting and you don't feel like you're such a freak in the world. It's always nice to know you are one of many freaks. What I found interesting is that they both "got out of Dodge" as soon as they could stop crying. I did the same. I went to Paris by myself with the only purpose to eat, paint and enjoy all things French. And I did. When I did this little sketch of the brasseri , I was sitting in another cafe window across the way. I great perch to draw, but mostly people watch. A man walked by me and I could see him through the window. He pinched his fingers to his lips and did a kiss thing and kept walking. I'm not sure what he meant, but it made my day. I loved Paris and would love to go back... maybe I will...

The Winter of My Discontent....

... well not really. But, I'm VERY ready for Spring. It's been interesting time this move of mine right smack dab in the middle of winter and which I also see as a personal winter of sorts. Leaving my friends and way of life behind me I headed to the middle of the country for new opportunities on many levels- with career, with art which I hope someday becomes my next career and with family. Great choices, great reasons and certainly no regrets. But around 3 pm on these cold days, I wonder... Where my days were once filled with phone calls and driving (oi vay - the driving) and meeting friends, going here, hurrying there, now my days are far less hectic, with fewer calls and people. There is a slowness, a silence, a state of just being wrapped up in a warm quilt watching the snow and the drab gray of winter - wondering when will this hibernation end. I realized I've not really spent any length of time in "hibernation" and though I'm not accustomed to it and feel a bit uncomfortable, I know it is for my good.
What you don't see in this picture is what I read into it. What I love about it. BabyKitty, who started her life with me in Texas, then California and now Missouri, looks out the window at this great big pine. She watches a squirrel that lives there and I'm sure takes a great deal of pleasure of taunting Baby while he sits on the iron railing eating a nut. There are also all kinds of birds that jump from limb to limb and she watches them too -- utterly fascinated. She enjoys this morning ritual of gulping down her food and sitting in the window. I'm pretty sure she doesn't even think twice about her old life in California and how warm it was or if the birds were more interesting. She's happy now. NOW is what she has and only knows and she found a window to enjoy it. Granted I know she's just a cat, a pretty smart one I might add (because she can fetch), but she doesn't have the ability to regret, doubt or lament. Somehow I think if she did have that capability, she wouldn't waste her time wondering about the past, her choices or even wishing for spring, I think she would say, "Come look out the window and see all those birds!"

Mama Bear and Papa Bear and Soon Came Baby Bear

Only a couple months to go before the baby comes. I can not wait. But boy, or rather GIRL, my life is really going to change and I'm JUST the aunt. I'm working on my "baby talk" and I'm not referring to "EEeewwww aren't you the cutest little coochie coochie cooo...." what I mean is that I need to get rid of my sailor mouth - (clear throat). For example when I spill the kitty litter on the floor I would say "Oh Snap!" Easy!!!! and I feel sure that practice will only perfect my baby talk. However, I've decided I'll just tell her I suffer from occasional bouts of Tourette syndrome when driving and it's a medical condition so I can't help it... I can just hear the interesting conversation between my brother and me in the not so far future...

(phone rings)
Hello...
No, I don't know where she learned that word maybe at school....
oh that's right she's not in school yet...
well, maybe it was the church nursery .... So this is what I worked on today - the invitations to the Baby Shower. I originally wanted the theme to be "dirty diapers" but I also wanted people to attend the Baby Shower. Fun, fun, fun ...

What do you mean I need 3 new tires?

When you think of the great artists in the world, or at least my favorite, Andrew Wyeth, John Singer Sargent, Cezanne, Picasso, Egon Schiele and maybe even Beatrix Potter you think of them as artists wrestling with ideas, colors, the change of light, philosophy maybe even love but NOT with the fact they need three new tires for their car. Granted, I realize I'm "no Picasso" but hearing the Firestone guy, Bill, tell me my tires are no good is a total creative buzz kill. How can I paint when I have tires to buy, hairballs to clean up, dishes to wash, huh? Tell me?Simple, you do a "color study". This is what you do when you are too old and too "mature" to buy a coloring book and crayons and lay on the floor all afternoon while you color away to the music of "Captain and Tennille" (Which I might add here, I just bought "The Ultimate Collection" from iTunes and it's awesome!!!!)

You take a picture draw it a couple of times and paint it a couple of different ways. In this case I did a non-water soluble pen and watercolor version and then a straight watercolor version. And yes, the pain of my tire purchase dramatically diminished.

Welcome to St. Louis -zzzzZAP

This has been a very long two months since my last post. I'm glad to be settled in my new place here in St. Louis and ready to get back to the business of living, creating and painting. I'll just lay out the bad news of living in a winter "wonderland" and then we will bask in the highlights of the mid-west. First, it's cold every single day. Now, to most of you that's not a surprise, but I haven't experienced crisp, eye watering, nose running, finger chilling cold in a long time. (I'm dreading my first heating bill.) Second, I haven't had a good hair day since my arrival and rub a Bounce dryer sheet through my hair just to keep it in place. (roof top view from my apartment)

And thirdly, I've pulled out an old tube of Payne's gray which I was told by many a teacher is a no-no color to use in watercolor paintings because it doesn't mix well with other colors and basically can bring a heaviness to a watercolor painting very quickly. But I have to say, there's no gray like it to express the gray of these winter days. It's been hard to come from Sunny California to Gray St. Louis. But the hardest part of all is missing my California friends. I miss you all terribly - Samantha, Deb, Gianino, Carol, Danny, John, Michel, Sharon, Jen, Wally, Michele...

But let me tell you about the good stuff - I live in a great big, beautiful, old apartment where BabyKitty slides across the floor when we play fetch and she makes the funniest face when her little pink nose gets ZAPPED by static electricity. I can write my rent check without feeling physical pain in my chest. I have my art table set right in front of two big windows. The natives I've met are truly kind and helpful. There is a White Castle in my neighborhood - my FAVORITE - and yes, I ate there four times the first week I moved here. Living near my brother and his wife is awesome and I'm never, not for one second, lonely. I love all the typical mid-west 1920s brick houses everywhere. My neighborhood is old and close by is a brewery and a railroad track which feels like I live somewhere between the sitcom "Laverne and Shirley" and the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes" And there's SO much good stuff to paint - I'm learning my grays and learning the light. I look forward to the spring. And best of all St. Louis believes and supports the fine arts in a HUGE way.
Oh the possibilities....This is a quote I've had for years. I liked it so much that I painted this and tacked it on a wall as a reminder, maybe even a hope. But to my surprise, the ideal of this is quite different than the reality. I don't know why I'm surprised. It's hard to sacrifice a perfectly fine life (that would be mine in California) for a bigger life (which I hope is St. Louis) So the moral of this is be really, really careful of the quotes you collect - you just might have to live one out.

1,833 Miles Away

I had some close friends that hosted a "See Ya" party this past weekend. When I looked around the room I was just floored at the quality of people in the room and to think these people call me friend -- so talented, funny, smart, artistic, witty, encouraging... WOW - how BLESSED!!!! I particularly remember meeting my dear friend Samantha when I first moved to Southern California. She was in a book study group I was part of and I just thought of her as just another beautiful L.A. blond and dismissed her (I know - how awful of me!!!) She spoke to me after our meeting and I was pleasantly surprised at how much I liked talking to her - kind, genuine, curious, asking me more questions about myself than my mother and truly appeared to be truly interested. We ended up talking over coffee and I completely enjoyed her company and our conversation. (Why was I so quick to judge?) Finally after a couple of hours and well past our work night bedtimes, we said good bye and she gave me the most interesting funny compliment I think I've ever received. She said, " You know, if I were a man I would want to date you." I laughed and knew I had found my new best friend. Over the years we have done a great deal of traveling together and I've enjoyed every single minute. But mostly I've enjoyed our conversations, about life encompassing dating, marriage, art, writing, books our hopes and disappointments. I know the conversation will continue even if we live exactly 1,833 miles away!

Morning Sun or is it "mourning"

Three more weeks... and soon my life here will be a memory. I could run around snapping pictures of places and people that I don't want to forget - and I have been doing that - but there are some pictures that do deserve the time of a painting. One such image I don't want to forget is that of BabyKitty sitting in the morning sun on top of my couch - just after her breakfast all happy and squinty. A full tummy and warming in the sun. Really, isn't that happiness? Purrrrrrrrr.

Meeting Susan Branch

It's only five weeks away from "moving day". As I'm packing, selling and throwing STUFF away - boy do I have lots of stuff - I've been thinking a great deal about my 5.25 years here in Southern California. Lots of learning, lots of disappointment, lots of self-discovery the hard and painful way... as you can see my head seems to naturally sink toward the negative. I would have to say these past years have been the hardest of my little measly life thus far. At this point I should probably just crawl into one of my moving boxes and close the lid. But I don't because beside me is a stack of books illustrated and written by Susan Branch waiting to be packed. And finally, I remember a good Los Angeles moment...

Mother's Day Weekend - May 2006 Susan Branch opens her store in Arroyo Grande, CA

That is a 2.5 hour drive for me - which I make with my stack of books on Sunday. I'm particularly fond of Susan because she's a fabulous artist who didn't go to a fancy schmancy art school to paint, she just did it on her own and because she loved it. And, after reading about her on her website, I felt she was my beacon of light at the end of a winding tunnel. She has a very similar story to mine (read here) and I wiped a tear or 50 from my eyes when I read it. I felt both the sadness and hope and I wrote her a really long letter to telling her so.
Okay, Okay, so I finally find my way to her new store and wait in line for about 45 minutes because she clearly has a lot of other fans besides me. The woman behind me has offered to take pictures of us (I'm so grateful - SB fans are the sweetest) And it's ALL I can do not to cry. I'm so excited, there's so much I want to say. I tell her how much her work and life story means to me and how I've been struggling with my own illustrated books. She gave me an encouraging word that I've never heard from any writer or artist before. She said there was a timing and it would happen when it needed to happen. SIGH!!!! Pressure to achieve before I'm 40, before I leave L.A., before the chicken is done roasting, you name it ... Thank you Susan for those honest words. All this pressure wasn't getting me anywhere anyway.
She signed my books - and I did cry a little on the way home - perhaps it was the release of all that pressure.

Seeing Blue

BIG sigh - I can finally see blue in the sky again and Baby Kitty's nose is clean and she is no longer hiding under the bed...

LIM

Living In The Moment --- the theme of my friend Autumn's first book for young adults entitled Carpe Diem. Last night I was determined to finish this book not because it was difficult to get through - but lately I've had so little time to read and I missed my new friend Vassar Spore - the protagonist of this fabulous adventure. I was so pleased with this story, but beyond being a good read, it really spoke to me and made me think at how life really should be an adventure and not an ever growing list of things to do and achieve. Read it! Read it!!!!

"Let each of us examine his thoughts; he will find them wholly concerned with the past or the future. We almost never think of the present, and if we do think of it, is it only to see what light it throws on our plans for the future. The present is never without end. The past and the present are our means, the future alone our end. Thus we never actually live, and since we are always planning how to be happy, it is inevitable that we should never be so." - Pascal's Pensees (the epilogue of Carpe Diem)

The Burning Continues

Mornings in Long Beach are usually very bright and white. I snapped this picture from my back porch pointed directly at the sun. This picture is pretty accurate and I'm stunned at how heavy the cloud cover is even 6 blocks from the ocean. BabyKitty is napping under my skirted bed where it is cool and the air is cleaner. It's funny how animals know when something is not quite right and they can find the best place of peace. If I could fit under the bed, I would join her. Instead my only choice is to blow my nose again and drink water to wash down the soot I feel is covering the inside of my throat. I'll close the windows again today. And hope to get as much done as possible before the heat in my place becomes unbearable. I'm starting to wonder how much is left to burn.

California's Four Seasons

... earthquakes, floods, riots and fires.....
the air is so hot, dry and sooty. A friend said to me it felt like the world was coming to an end. The heavy dark gray skies, ash everywhere and the strange dull yellow color is so oppressive. I pray for those who are displaced and have lost their homes. My discomfort is nothing compared to so many others here in So. Cal. I was lucky enough to receive a book I had ordered from the U.K. entitled The Gentle Art of Domesticity. I had a brief hiatus from the gray and dark clouds all around and above me. Such a beautiful book full of color and inspiration.

St. Louis and Mary Engelbreit

Back in the spring of 2002 just months before I moved to Los Angeles I flew to St. Louis to visit my brother who was in seminary. He had a friend who worked for Mary Engelbreit and arranged a tour of her studios where her magazine "Home Companion" is put together. It was certainly a highlight of my life. I even got to hold an original piece of her art work and made my brother do the same - he had no clue about how lucky he was to hold her art in his hands. I told him he would regret it if he didn't do it. He held her pencil sketch reluctantly then carefully handed it to his friend. It was on our way out that we ran into MARY ENGELBREIT. I was so excited, I was speechless. All I could say was how nice it was to meet her and how much I really liked her magazine and art... she must hear that a thousand times a day. Well, now that I'm moving to the city of Mary Engelbreit maybe I'll get a second chance to say something better... who knows.

Life is Like a Bowl Full of Peppers

I'm sure you've heard the saying, "Life is like a bowl full of cherries" But I would have to say, my life has been like a bowl full of hot peppers. Spicy certainly can be nice, but sometimes it just plain ol' hurts going down. So my peppery life continues as just recently I've made the choice to move to St. Louis - having to choose between St. Louis, New York City or stay in Los Angeles. This decision was dropped on me at work just hours before I left to visit my folks for some R&R, mom's birthday and painting time. I have to say, I couldn't not have planned a more perfect place to move to - St. Louis is a wonderful place and chalk full of artists, designers, my brother and his wife and their coming baby (YIPPEE!!! I'm going to be an aunt for the first time) and affordable houses. WOO HOO!! I am soooo looking forward to owning my a home and decorating it! My head is swimming with ideas. But best of all, I'm hoping for a studio with lots of light pouring in. Stay tuned.

Happy Birthday Mom!