Just one of those days...

... where nothing I painted today is any good, my cat has growled at me all day (we're down to one kitten), I've not been the least bit happy with my hair and I feel fat. I just want a "do over". Don't you wish you had the option for a couple of "do overs" in your life? When it comes to painting I try to look at it as getting the bad stuff out so the good stuff can come and hopefully it will come tomorrow. I painted the two boys this past week just before Milo went to his new home. Ralphie is the only one left and he loves to torment my cat. He's not afraid of her anymore, in fact he chases her around and has jumped on her several times - not to be mean, he just wants to play. And quite simply Baby Kitty is NOT a playing cat. What an ill tempered cat I have. How did that happen? I've enjoyed painting these little guys. Such cuties...

Yippee Skippee!

Today actually felt like a day of work. After being a good foster kitten mom and giving the kittens their food and morning kisses, I spent the better part of the day on the "business of art" which essentially means I worked but I did not paint today. But the hard work at the computer paid off. Because I have my shop at ETSY up and running again. This time I am able to sell prints at very reasonable prices and I must say they look FANTABULOUS!. The giclee prints are on this great textured paper and it's hard to tell the print from the real McCoy. That's exciting enough, but I'm even more excited that I'm not the one making the prints. I was able to find a local printer and framer so I can stick to what I do best which is paint and not spend hours on the computer. Aren't you glad we live in a world where everyone has different abilities and desires. I sure am. Let me know what you think!

Tornado Drill

Because I grew up in Ohio, I was familiar with tornado drills. But it's been 20 years since I found myself grabbing the cat, and in this case, cat and 2 kittens (yes, one has a new home) and heading to the basement. I was painting and trying to get my ETSY shop set up (soon, but not yet) when I heard the alarm sound outside. That's not a pleasant sound. It's very unnerving and I found myself looking at the sky more than anything else. Oh well, at least the washer and dryer is in the basement and I can do some laundry. But I did get these this piece done and soon, very, very soon you will be able to buy giclee prints of these and many other painting you've seen here on my blog. I'll keep you posted.

One is Cute, but Three...

... just might have been crazy thinking. I'm referring to kittens of course. They're having a ball but both Baby Kitty and I want to lock ourselves in the bedroom and keep them out. And, I feel for my mean old cat. She can't go anywhere without at least two of them following her. They eat from her bowl, use her litter box, eat her kitty grass, play with her toys, sleep in her favorite chair. They've take over and I'm sure she's wondering what she has done to deserve this. This morning she whined and whined to be let in the front hall of our apartment building. Currently she is sitting right smack dab in the middle of my downstairs neighbor's doormat that reads "WELCOME". That says it all.
I'm still seeking good homes for these kittens. You can just have one. They're sweet, funny, litter trained and soon to be fixed - all for FREE!!!! How could you pass this up? You can contact me or StrayRescue.
This little guy is my favorite - if that's at all possible to have a favorite kitten, he's the runt of the litter and is the sloppiest eater I have ever seen. Also, he likes kitten soup. I have to take dry cat food and soak it in water for a bit because it's still too hard for him to chew it all up.
But I know you aren't here to read about kittens - I mean there is LOTS more to life and LOTS more that inspires me... like cupcakes. I mean who ISN'T inspired by a good moist chocolate cupcake? Yesterday I had lunch with one of the owners of the new cupcake bakery here in St. Louis call The Cupcakery. She's a sassy single gal and such a hard worker. It was so cool to hear her story and how life looped her around to where she is right now. And what fine yummy cupcakes. I had the peanut butter one.
Then later in the day, my new artist friend Mary Beth Flynn called me and got on to me about staying disciplined and focused through this art endeavor. I have to admit, I'm so not a woman who can stay on task - my head goes in a million directions and I just like to jump on the next great idea. But right now, I really need to be more right brained or I won't see anything happen. It's frustrating because this is not my natural state. And it also explains why my lovely little "GerAmyUm" book isn't finished. Mary Beth has been painting house portraits (and supporting herself) for over 14 years and I know much of her success comes from being diligent, on task yet still taking risks. I really hope she rubs off on me!
Also, I've discovered this amazing new blog that inspires me greatly. Check out decor8.

Peace and Peonies

Last week I finished and sent off a commissioned painting of three stages of a blooming peony to a man getting married in Florida. Over the past year we've been in contact over a peony painting for his girlfriend who became his fiancee and now his wife. Three stages - much like the painting itself. Originally he wanted this painting last year, but I ended up selling it, then he wanted one at Christmas time for her, but I was moving to St. Louis when he needed it. This past weekend he presented it to her as a wedding gift. What perfect timing for Julie and Gary. My friend who attended their wedding e-mailed me this morning and told that Julie loved it and cried when he gave it to her. I've not met the couple, but after learning she had an affinity toward peonies and he knew about it and sought them because they made her happy, I was thrilled and honored to be asked to paint for them. Besides, I "get" the woman who is drawn to one particular flower - look at me with geraniums.
I have to admit I found it a bit difficult to start this painting. I love painting. I love peonies. I had a deadline! What was my problem? Painting commissioned work is so different mentally than doing my own thing. When I'm working on a painting for a specific person, I think a great deal about that person and what this work means to them. Before I even put brush to paper, the work has meaning which makes me both happy and overwhelmed. Here I was sitting at my painting station, trying to get through another grey, rainy St. Louis day and I'm in turmoil because I'm both happy for the couple but also struggling with my own "singleness." I'm painting a gift of love with Gary's hearfelt words writtten under each stage of the peony -

Journey... Awaken ... Love

and I feel intensely how far I am from this love. For the next couple hours I have to enter into this personal place of fear about my own desires while I paint. What a delicious smell a peony has. How it opens so quickly with all its fluffy layers and in all the best shades of pink. Much like love! Yet, inside I wonder if I'll ever experience this blooming. So you see, painting is not always technical. Sure practice is part of creating a skill. I work at it every day. But there are strong moments when the spirit/the heart/the soul moves you to work in ways you don't think you can. When I finally finished, I have to say, I didn't want to let the painting go.

Foster Kittens and One Angry Baby Kitty

from top to bottom: Milo, Mimi, Milly

Several weeks ago I signed up to foster a litter of kittens through Stray Rescue of St. Louis. I picked three 5-week old kittens up Saturday afternoon from the vet and brought them home...
Let's just say that what I thought would mostly be fun turned out to be much more drama than I was expecting. My cat of 8 years, Baby Kitty has been nicknamed Bitchy Kitty by my friends. And I'm ashamed to finally admit she really isn't nice. Well, she's nice to me - but that doesn't really count. So Baby Kitty spent most of Saturday hissing, spitting and growling then promptly throwing up her breakfast throughout the house. Then Mimi - the male runt of the litter,whom I named after my first cat who lived to be 21 years old, puked as well but like three times his body weight.. It was unbelievable. (You can be thankful I didn't take a picture.) By the end of the day I had used an entire roll of paper towels and all my throw rugs had to be washed. They step in their food, the water bowl and the poo in the litter box and then do it again.
Watching them wrestle with each other is so fun and better than tv. And to see them sleep all nestled together... ahhh. When I walk anywhere they follow me around like the Pied Piper. In between all of these days events, I'm trying to paint and do house work and gather them up to keep them out of my own cat's way so she won't hit them with her clawless paws. There is a scene in the Steve Martin movie The Jerk (which is one of my favorite movies) where Martin is shown a black and white clip of kitten juggling. It's so wrong and funny at the same time and I think of it often when I'm holding all three in my hand.
As of this writing, I think my cat is too exhausted to hiss and growl anymore. She hasn't had her 20 hours of sleep per day since they've arrived. She sleeps at the end of my bed which is too high for the kittens to climb. I really hope Baby Kitty comes around. Maybe a miracle will happen and just like Scrooge she'll be visited by three kitten ghosts who scare her into love, charity and tolerance.

Kennedy Jane

My little niece came into the world on Sunday afternoon! We are all so glad she's here! So tiny, so soft and she smells so lovely. I held her for two hours while she slept and we watched a boring movie at the hospital. It's really scary holding a little tiny person for the first time. Becca had to show me the best place to put my hands and cradle her. I was all stiff and scared and very worried I wasn't holding her right. It's a great responsibility to have such a tiny life in you hands. I can't even imagine what the parents are feeling. Life is amazing! And I'm so lucky that they've let me be in on it all.
At the same time, the baby robins have finally hopped out of their nest and are jumping limb to limb - stretching and fluttering their wings while their tiny toothpick legs don't look strong enough to hold them up. It's pretty interesting to see the baby birds move at varying paces through the trees. One is definitely braver than his other siblings. By Wednesday morning they were gone. I didn't even get to see them take their first leaping flight. They sure do grow quickly. All day long their Mama brought worms and bugs to them - what a worker! Ahhh life in all its newness and wonder. The delicate newness of the little ones that come into the world, add to to it and are reminder of all that is good and beautiful in this world.

Grumpy Bear

Well, baby is not here yet and I'm grumpy along with Grumpy Bear. I knitted this for the my soon to be niece out of this amazing little knitting book called "itty-bitty nursery" by Susan B. Anderson. This is one of those books where you want to knit every project in the book! I'll be knitting this weekend while I'm waiting...

Every Day in May ...

That was my goal. To post on my blog every day in May. Today is the 12th so it's clear I'm in a deficit. (Now there's a word I don't use everyday, but certainly hear every day.)

So... All day Saturday was the Paint Webster plein aire competition sponsored by 63119 Art!. I chose one of my favorite places to paint - Roger's produce, as it has tons of beautiful geraniums out front and I always hurt my neck trying to look at it while I drive by. Besides, I knew I would be outside painting for at least 5 hours, so it had to be something I enjoyed looking at. My sis-in-law and brother popped by and took this picture of me painting.

Well, I have mixed emotions about this. First I really enjoyed the opportunity to paint under the gun. It really leaves you no time to over analyze and judge your work too harshly. You just have to get it done. Once again, I learned a great deal from this experience. As usual, I try to paint too much. You just can't paint the world - or an entire road side market for that matter. I really should have kept it simple. Ultimately, I really didn't like the finished project. I'm only posting it as a lesson. I think I was just trying too hard and not trusting myself. I find when I paint for myself in plein aire it's much freer and spontaneous like the picture I did below at the great botanical gardens here in Saint Louis. I certainly need more practice in plein aire. Winslow Homer was the master! There was some very beautiful work on display at the end of the day. It was wonderful, inspiring and intimidating at the same time. I have so far to go!!! There were less than five paintings in watercolor????
As with my past outdoor painting experiences, there is always an interesting or bizarre story to accompany the painting - this day was no different. Throughout the day several people walked by, some stopped others didn't. So when this man approached to look at my picture I thought nothing of it. He asked if I was working in watercolor and I confirmed that it was my medium then he said,

"I don't want to freak you out or anything, but I stopped my car and parked it because I thought you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen."

Any my response was to laugh and tell him he needed to get out of the house more. Then I said thank you and told him that was quite a compliment. Later, after the day was over, the painting finished, framed, judged and deemed "not a winner", I had dinner with my brother and his wife and told them about my day. Becca was quick to point out that even though I didn't win the prize money I was called "the most beautiful woman ever" by a complete stranger so the day wasn't a complete bust. Yeah, maybe. But I would rather have painted the most beautiful picture "ever".

Back From California

California... there really is no place like it. The amazing sun, ALL THE TIME and the traffic, ALL THE TIME. It was great to catch up with friends, lay in the sun and eat at my favorite places. One of which is Bob's Big Boy in Burbank. It's been around for ages and almost every time I go there I see "someone." My meal of choice is a pattymelt and french fries with ranch dressing and then to it with Bob under his hamburger.I also had lots of time on the flight to think about my future "job". I would love to just paint and make a living doing that. So, for the next couple of months I'm going to paint up a storm and just work as hard as I can and see what happens. I figure if I don't try it now, I may never give it a go. I met an artist here in St. Louis - MaryBeth Flynn and we spent the morning together last week. For the past 14 years she's been making her living painting watercolor house portraits. I was so encouraged to hear her story. She did let me know it was a great deal of hard work. For years I've been working two jobs - that of my day job and in my spare time, I'm painting. So, I think on some level it will be nice to just focus on the painting. So that's the plan. One step at a time, one day at a time.

Fertile Emptiness

"Crisis, change, all the myriad upheavals that blister the spirit and leave us groping - they aren't voices simply of pain but also of creativity. And if we would only listen, we might hear such times beckoning us to a season of waiting, to the place of fertile emptiness." - Sun Monk Kidd from When The Heart Waits

Waiting is not something I'm good at. Waiting has always seemed to be a huge waste of time. For Pete's sake, I'm an American. We don't have to wait for anything anymore. But now, I'm in a time of forced waiting. It's uncomfortable for me and a fearful place because I might fall behind, get passed up. Standing still is not normal, I'm always racing towards whatever I think I need to get to next. In an effort to embrace the waiting I'm re-reading When the Heart Waits. (Every creative person needs this book by the way) It's not easy to be still in heart, mind and body. I have found that sitting under a pink tree has been one place I can sit still. Right now, I do my best to be still, to just be, to breathe, and to not worry for just 30 seconds. Trust me try a pink tree - sit under one. Breathe. Be. Wait.

Winslow Homer in Chicago

I just got back from the Winslow Homer exhibit showing at The Art Institute of Chicago. What an amazing exhibit, well worth the $20. What an extensive watercolor show! He didn't start working in watercolors until he was 37 years old and after nearly 20 years of working as a professional artist - and, the best part of all, he was a self taught artist! His extensive work in watercolor had a great deal in making the watercolors an art form in and of itself and not just a precursor to an oil painting. His use of watercolor is confident and certain. But beyond that I'm blown away by his subject matter and how he uses color and light to create an emotional impact. This is one of my favorite watercolors...
After the exhibit and seeing such masterpieces, I wonder, do I dare dip my brush in paint again? How does one get to be that good? That confident? I want to be there now and not 20 years from now. Patience. Painting. Seeing. They're all important and maybe equally so.

Orange Ranunculus - All Day!

Ranunculus are back!!! And that always makes me happy until I paint them ... ALL DAY . Then they become pesky little buggers. Still it was good to have the time to work on something for more than an hour. I wasn't pleased with the oranges I was making (No I don't own a tube or orange paint - I mix my oranges). Finally I took a break from them and decided that that I needed to look at them with fresh eyes. The whole fresh eyes thing is essential. What really is happening is that you're looking at it with a fresh mind which is a less critical mind - a kinder, gentler mind. And you thought movie critics were tough - you should here the critic in my head! So here you have an afternoon of work... and I'll go at it again the next day. But don't worry I'll always love ranunculus.

Another Door Closes or Rather - SLAMS!

I was in Nebraska last week with my boss. The meeting went well. And as I'm driving my boss back to his car, I was informed that

"due to economic difficulties your position will be eliminated."

I can't see straight and here I am trying to navigate in the rain while tears of unbelief and shock run down my face and in my head is this stream of random thoughts.
... but I just moved to St. Louis for this position how will I pay my bills and the house I wanted to buy - this means NO HOUSE (more tears) I'm going to miss my flight back to St Louis in this rain (I have a 3 hour drive back to Omaha airport) stop crying just stop it now! I hate Nebraska you can paint but I'm not good enough yet - but I want my own house no house ... and around and around this tape plays
Perhaps it's time for me to delve in with all I have and take this artistic risk and do it , just do it .
I'm taking the week to NOT think about it. I will spend some time at the botanical gardens and paint and just try to take a break from work, travel and decision making to just BE Amy the artist, not the sales rep or the single gal or an unemployed person.

Sheep pictures always seem so peaceful to me. I've painted a handful and let very few go just because I like them. I set this one out so I can see it more and when my spirit gets fluttery and nervous I look at it. Yes, art can calm a worried heart.

A Closed Door

At the end of February, I entered a featured length film script in a screen writing contest. I just found out that I did not even place as a finalists. Being that there were only 25 entries in this local contest, I felt even more down than usual by this rejection. For Pete's sake, I studied and went to grad school for screen writing! After the disappointment wore off I needed to be honest with myself. I don't like script writing anymore. It's torture. I could paint everyday but working on a script doesn't bring about the same drive in me like painting does. For years I've been trying to figure out what was wrong with me.
Was writing really this hard for everyone, or just me?
Did I just get burned out from living around the Hollywood stuff for 5 years?
Why did I do well in school but not afterwards?
Was all that time and money for nothing?
No answers.
None
I just know that I don't want to write scripts anymore. Perhaps I'll tell theses stories in a narrative format at some point. I do love the stories and they won't let me go. I never tackled prose writing because I just never got very good grades in English class so I always thought I wasn't good at writing. It's funny what a high school letter grade makes you think about yourself and your abilities. Come to think about it, I only had one English teacher I really liked. She loved writing. The rest of the time, English was a chore. For now I've put away the scripts in a box - to be free from the pressure and the reminder of all that I've left unfinished... for now...
Guilt is never a good emotion, and the least useless in creating. You really can't be free if you're working on something out of guilt, because it then becomes all about the outcome and not the process, the struggle and what you learn. It's just finished and you feel relieved. Still this honest look at my time and my skills doesn't change the face that I secretly long to be a famous writer who knows how to manipulate words like I do paint and water.

"How we spend out days is, of course, how we spend our lives." - Annie Dillard

True - and this is what I did today..