Seeing Blue

BIG sigh - I can finally see blue in the sky again and Baby Kitty's nose is clean and she is no longer hiding under the bed...

LIM

Living In The Moment --- the theme of my friend Autumn's first book for young adults entitled Carpe Diem. Last night I was determined to finish this book not because it was difficult to get through - but lately I've had so little time to read and I missed my new friend Vassar Spore - the protagonist of this fabulous adventure. I was so pleased with this story, but beyond being a good read, it really spoke to me and made me think at how life really should be an adventure and not an ever growing list of things to do and achieve. Read it! Read it!!!!

"Let each of us examine his thoughts; he will find them wholly concerned with the past or the future. We almost never think of the present, and if we do think of it, is it only to see what light it throws on our plans for the future. The present is never without end. The past and the present are our means, the future alone our end. Thus we never actually live, and since we are always planning how to be happy, it is inevitable that we should never be so." - Pascal's Pensees (the epilogue of Carpe Diem)

The Burning Continues

Mornings in Long Beach are usually very bright and white. I snapped this picture from my back porch pointed directly at the sun. This picture is pretty accurate and I'm stunned at how heavy the cloud cover is even 6 blocks from the ocean. BabyKitty is napping under my skirted bed where it is cool and the air is cleaner. It's funny how animals know when something is not quite right and they can find the best place of peace. If I could fit under the bed, I would join her. Instead my only choice is to blow my nose again and drink water to wash down the soot I feel is covering the inside of my throat. I'll close the windows again today. And hope to get as much done as possible before the heat in my place becomes unbearable. I'm starting to wonder how much is left to burn.

California's Four Seasons

... earthquakes, floods, riots and fires.....
the air is so hot, dry and sooty. A friend said to me it felt like the world was coming to an end. The heavy dark gray skies, ash everywhere and the strange dull yellow color is so oppressive. I pray for those who are displaced and have lost their homes. My discomfort is nothing compared to so many others here in So. Cal. I was lucky enough to receive a book I had ordered from the U.K. entitled The Gentle Art of Domesticity. I had a brief hiatus from the gray and dark clouds all around and above me. Such a beautiful book full of color and inspiration.

St. Louis and Mary Engelbreit

Back in the spring of 2002 just months before I moved to Los Angeles I flew to St. Louis to visit my brother who was in seminary. He had a friend who worked for Mary Engelbreit and arranged a tour of her studios where her magazine "Home Companion" is put together. It was certainly a highlight of my life. I even got to hold an original piece of her art work and made my brother do the same - he had no clue about how lucky he was to hold her art in his hands. I told him he would regret it if he didn't do it. He held her pencil sketch reluctantly then carefully handed it to his friend. It was on our way out that we ran into MARY ENGELBREIT. I was so excited, I was speechless. All I could say was how nice it was to meet her and how much I really liked her magazine and art... she must hear that a thousand times a day. Well, now that I'm moving to the city of Mary Engelbreit maybe I'll get a second chance to say something better... who knows.

Life is Like a Bowl Full of Peppers

I'm sure you've heard the saying, "Life is like a bowl full of cherries" But I would have to say, my life has been like a bowl full of hot peppers. Spicy certainly can be nice, but sometimes it just plain ol' hurts going down. So my peppery life continues as just recently I've made the choice to move to St. Louis - having to choose between St. Louis, New York City or stay in Los Angeles. This decision was dropped on me at work just hours before I left to visit my folks for some R&R, mom's birthday and painting time. I have to say, I couldn't not have planned a more perfect place to move to - St. Louis is a wonderful place and chalk full of artists, designers, my brother and his wife and their coming baby (YIPPEE!!! I'm going to be an aunt for the first time) and affordable houses. WOO HOO!! I am soooo looking forward to owning my a home and decorating it! My head is swimming with ideas. But best of all, I'm hoping for a studio with lots of light pouring in. Stay tuned.

Happy Birthday Mom!

KatyBelle

Last week didn't start out very well. Disappointment and frustration seemed to be the theme. Someone once said to me that the heart of discontentment and disappointment comes from one's own expectations. And somehow you're not supposed to put all those expectations on someone else, an event, a relationship, a painting... Very, very hard not to do. Live without expectations? While I ponder that and think if it's even possible, I continue with my work, my projects and soon the week has moved to another theme - one of hope and that life isn't that bad after all. When I lived in Texas they had this saying that if you didn't like the weather, just wait a minute, because it would most certainly change. And it did. So I apply that to my days and sing along to my favorite Pink Martini song "Hang on Little Tomato. "
My friend had me paint her beloved cat Katybelle which I finally finished and sent off. I had lots of great pictures to work from, but I have to admit, not meeting the cat made me nervous. It sounds strange but pictures only show so much and meeting my subject matter really helps me create a true likeness. Just writing this I hear how hoity toity that sounds, but it's true. I look forward to meeting her and hope she's like the cat I got to know when I was painting her.

Coloring Inside the Lines

The other night I spent several hours on the phone with a dear friend and writer who was filling me in on her life and what her little girls are doing. Her oldest is in first grade and really stressed out (Did you know they give homework in the 1st grade??!!?? - what is up with that?) This little girl, like her mother is very capable and smart and just wants to do it right. She loves school, getting good grades and pleasing her teacher. Her teacher really emphasizes coloring inside the lines. I certainly understand the importance of coloring in the lines, learning to control your hand and movement, paying attention to the details, being proud of your work. But this is really quite stressful for this little girl and it makes me so sad that coloring has to be stressful.
When I was a kid, I distinctly remember how at peace I was with my box of crayolas in front of me --which I meticulously arranged in some order by shade or rainbow order ROY-G-BIV before even beginning my coloring masterpiece. I would color in my very own coloring book, one that I did not have to share with my brothers. I'm sure I spent hours upon hours at the kitchen table or laying on the rug in my bedroom coloring inside the lines. All I had to think about was what color to put in those lines to make it a beautiful masterpiece. Sometimes I would play color games -- if I could only choose one, which would it be? An impossible question to answer. Even now, I can think of very few things that bring on such peace. I think I'm going to treat myself to a big box of crayons and coloring book today. But at some point, I'm not sure when - perhaps first grade - I started drawing my own lines to color in. These step by step instructions come from Ed Emberley's Drawing Book of Animals. I've had this book since first grade I do believe and still LOVE looking at it. He still makes books to help kids and (big kids too) learn to draw.

Still Learning to See

Earth's crammed with heaven and every common bush a fire with God: but only he who sees takes off his shoes. - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

For the first time I saw the difference in sunlight and I couldn't have missed it if I tried. I spent five days in Miami for work and returned to California late in the night. I woke early the next day to the strange light in my room. What a different color the sun is in Miami - strong, piercing and white. While in California it is gentle, yellow, creating softer shadows. I was delighted to realize that I'm finally seeing the different light. Watercolor is the medium of light. So after all this time, I see the difference, but can I paint it?

Training one's eye to see to paint the light on a flower pedal or the shadow on the field might seem like a completely different task than seeing in one's life. I have to work on seeing the sacred and not labeling someone or something before I truly see them. Sometimes I see what I so badly want to see, because it's just easier. When I paint a still life in strong light I have to look for the light on, let's say, the apple. I have to leave it blank because on my palette there is no white. The light, the white is the paper. It would be so much easier to take heavy white gouache and place it where the light hits the apple after I'm finished the painting. But it doesn't look nearly as luminous or true. I sometimes do that with people. I've decided he is wonderful but I have not seen. I myself paint in the light because I didn't look for it so now I have to paint it in trying to make him work in my painting. Over the years, I've learned that before I start painting, I need to sit still and look at my subject matter for a while before brush hits paper. You look for the lights. You look for the colors you see in the shadows and in the reflections. You look to know, so when you finally paint, you do so in certainty. And you keep looking all the while you are painting. Another wonderful paint metaphor to be applied to life, especially my life. So now, I put my shoes back on, lace them up and leave the bush I thought was burning. I never will stop looking for the sacred in life and people. But, I plan on taking my time to really see before I take my shoes off again.

Zinnias from my garden painted August 2007

September?!?!

I can't believe it's September and I haven't written anything on my blog since July!!! The honest to goodness reason is that I've been traveling a great deal with my new job - Vegas twice, San Francisco three times, Chicago and Miami. This is my new life and it's pushed and pulled me in a direction I never planned but certainly think will ultimately be beneficial to who I am to becoming as an artist and now a career woman (gulp). The most discouraging part of this new job is the lack of time I've had to paint, missing Baby Kitty, my friends and learning to live out of a suitcase. But I'm determined to make the best of it. I take my paints with me now, my cat ignores me 80% of the day anyway, my friends can call on my cell phone (I bought more minutes) and living out of a suitcase - haven't found the positive to that yet - but I will. I am almost finished with a new watercolor of my friend's cat that I brought with me this last trip. I'll post it as soon as I put the finishing touches on it. All this travel is making me paint/draw even when it's not the most convenient and surprisingly, I've been doing some cool things. Of course I'm still working piece by piece on GerAmyum. Here's the latest - not sure if it will go in the story but we'll see....

Seeing

"The greatest thing a human soul ever does in this world is to see something, and tell what he saw in a plain way. Hundreds of people can talk for one who can think, but thousands can think for one who can see" - John Ruskin

Oh, to see better... and then what do we do with what we see - paint it, photograph it to help others see and see things we the artist don't even see. So much of my painting these days has been about "finishing". I'm forgetting to see. This quote by John Ruskin, Victorian art critic and artist always makes me stop and open my eyes. (By the way, he also didn't think women could paint or draw ... hmmmm) Beyond art, do we see the man we pass on the street or who makes our morning coffee?

Some of the art work I enjoy most are those in which the artist paints something I would have missed, that I would never have caught my eye let alone attention. Andrew Wyeth's work sends me to the moon. If you're looking for a good art book get this one. I just never get tired of it and BOY can he see. The picture to the left is in the corner of my parent's garden - they've watched many a bird fight over that bird bath.

Meet GerAmyUm

I'm half way through my summer art class at the Art Center. As with any class I've taken, I never quite know what to expect. However, what has been the most exciting and surprising is the other struggling artist/illustrator students in the class. They've been extremely helpful, honest and encouraging. So, some of my questions about the GerAmyUm book were put to rest with their input. For example, I was having a really hard time coming up with a face for GerAmyUm - I think because I really didn't want to put two dots and a smile in the middle of a geranium. My classmates told me they didn't feel one was necessary. So, meet GerAmyUm...
I had hoped to finish the illustrations for the book by the end of summer... (what was I thinking!!!) and all the work I've done up to now seems to have produced nothing. But I have to remember, I needed these wrong paintings to realize what I don't want and what doesn't work. And, I'm that much closer to getting the look and feel of what I want. That's a HUGE part of the process - all the work that does NOT go into it. No sketching, erasing, painting is a waste. Art and growing are both glorious and painful... Someone made a comment the other day about how painting must be so relaxing. I thought about it for a second. Yes, there are moments. But all in all I don't do it to relax. I get a massage, take a nap, watch a movie - that's what I do to relax. I paint because I feel most alive when doing it - even if I get mad. And trust me plenty of arches papers has been thrown across the room like a Frisbee. I hope to post another painting for the book soon - but I've got alot of wrong painting to do first...

Father's Day

Yes, I realize Father's Day is long past. Shame on me for not posting this sooner. I spent Father's Day weekend with my dad and I think I have for the past couple of years. I went to the church my dad is minister of and enjoyed the sermon immensely. Simply put my father is an superb preacher but first and foremost he is an excellent father to his kids and husband to my mother. I can think of no better example of love and integrity than that of my father. The picture to the left was taken when my dad was in college and with dark hair. In fact, I hardly remember my dad with dark hair. He has a head full of silver hair and to many resembles Steve Martin - in fact he has been stopped many times by people who thinks he's the comedian actor. I have watched many people look twice at him trying to figure out if he is "somebody." Oh, the stories I could tell.

This is my dad in his robe on Father's Day morning. He shares the sanctuary with both the Catholics and the Jewish communities at the retirement complex where he ministers. On Sunday mornings the Catholics get the sanctuary first and they have to wheel out the Virgin Mary before the protestant service. This is the closet where the Catholic priest hangs his robe next to the Protestant minister's. Oh the metaphors that come into play... Besides being a wonderful minister, by dad is an amazing carpenter. This is one of my favorite pieces that he built for me. I've been brought up making things and being taught that we can make just about anything we put our minds to create. I could brag on my dad for pages and pages. But one little picture tells you much more. I think the world would be much better place if everyone had a dad like my mine. Happy Father's Day to all the dads that love and teach us how to love and create!

Blooming Peony

I painted these four stage of a peony growing in two days. You can almost see the flower opening up right before you.

Time, Tea -n- Napkins

Time - an interesting word, concept and... reality? So much I want to do in a day - I want more! I waste so much! And then I put cream on it to stop the effects of it- ha ha. Seeing that my last entry was nearly 20 days ago I'm floored at how time flies and life changes, expands and even shrinks! Yoiks I better stop - this is NOT a journal on philosophy but art and all the zillions and millions of things that inspire me.... So let me tell you about Autumn. She had me over to her great apartment in Los Feliz several weeks ago and we talked books - kids books to be exact. Her YA (young adult) Carpe Diem will be in stores this fall!!! I'm so excited for her and can't wait to get my hands on it. It's always great to chat books with another writer - but I have to say I was insanely delighted to see that she had quite amazing taste in vintage decor from around the world. I would have snapped a million shots but left my camera at home (Me pulling my hair here) I managed to get this one shot of our tea table. She also used these beautiful vintage napkins which I fell in love with instantly and tried my darndest not to use it - that was quite a struggle since I'm definitely one of those people who NEED a napkin. Still I managed to keep it in pretty good shape and then she caught me folding it up to take with me. (of course she did - you can't get anything past a good writer - they notice the details). So she insisted I take a fresh one with me. How silly but I just love this lovely little vintage napkin.